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Five Amazing Pieces of Furniture I Could Make With the Great Deku Tree if You’d Just Let Me Chop It Down

OK, I know the Kokiri worship this goddamn thing, but seriously, just look at it. It’s a monstrosity and an eyesore. I heard it even has a parasite inside of it, Queen Gohma or something like that. Apparently the tree has summoned some kid who doesn’t talk to come and fix it from the inside, but how about we save him the trouble? My buddy has a Sennebogen tree care handler for his contracting business, and we can knock this fucker down in no time. I’m a pretty accomplished woodworker. Doesn’t an